Monday, June 8, 2009

June 08

June 08
Originally uploaded by Cancer Boy
Oh hello there, forgotten blog.

So I've been busy. Attempting to get ready for Vancouver, which is now in just over a week, working on various things around the house, trying to pull a manuscript out of my thesis (though some would argue that I'm pulling it out of... somewhere else)... It's been keeping me pretty full.

Tomorrow is round 14 of chemo. I'm back to only needing about 10 hours of sleep per night, now, but the week after, I find I need about 13 to function.

I've always hated chemotherapy, but before, I really felt like it did some good. Now it just makes me miserable and tired and useless. Pooey. But I'd be lying if I said I don't look forward to a couple of days of sitting on the couch, catching up on some movie watching. I've been way too busy.

I suspect the blogging thing is more or less up for me. I'm sure it's not the last update, and for all I know, my life might become more exciting and I'll write more, but since the cancer thing is done -- and by no means am I sad about that -- I just don't have much to say, anymore. At least not to the masses.

I started to write here because I wanted to help others in my shoes. I've lamented over this before -- especially with lymphoma, there are no resources. I've encountered maybe three other people who have/had the same cancer over the last eight months, and not one of them in person. I wanted to provide a bit of a safe haven, if I may be so grandiose. I wanted to help people understand that it's not the end of the world. Or maybe warn them that it is, in case things went to hell for me.

Perhaps as a function of both my tenacious desire for privacy/anonymity, and some self deprecating notion that my life is boring, I don't really feel comfortable writing about every detail.

I'm trying to piece my life back together now. I know I'm jumping the gun, because I've yet to even finish chemotherapy. I've got one more month and a day. I don't even feel like "cancer boy" anymore. After this, I can't even pass as "chemo lad".


Anonymous said...

As one of your newer followers, I am sorry to see that you are considering giving up blogging. I think that you still have a lot to share - "survivorship" is a whole new beast!
Like you, I began blogging because I wanted to share my journey in the hopes of helping others. Like you, I couldn't find people who had my cancer (stage IIIB cervical, with mets to the lymph nodes). Like you, I am a private person.
So I blogged. Then treatment ended, and for me, hell began! That is when blogging really was necessary. No one prepares you for the roller coaster ride of survivorship. No one warns you that you are about to be "dropped" by the medical community - you will continue to see your onc once every few months, but other than that, they move on and expect you to do the same.
Your journey may be different from mine but I caution you - don't give up the blogging yet. Your story is not complete. You still have much to share with others, to inspire people to keep fighting!

I spent many wonderful years in Vancouver - I am jealous to hear that you are going there!

Holly said...

dear boy/lad - please don't stop blogging. you bring your wry wit and incredible honesty and integrity to this whole shitty process...i will miss you if you go....

Beth said...

Hi Armand, you've done well with your blog. It was one of the ones I found when I went looking for young people going through this, and its helped me to go back and read yours from the start. Your pic looks good (healthy). Must be the psychological aspect of knowing the cancer is gone. I hope being a survivor is easy, that life gets back to normal and all the side effect fade away - and if that's true then let us know!

Thanks, and good luck with everything!

deborah d. lattimore said...

i think it's awesome that cancer boy is going away and you don't feel a need for blogging. i'm giving mine up too after radiation. i don't need cancer to be a part of my life once radiation is over--at all. time for us to move on! you have made a huge impression on me and made such a difference in my life with your blog.i found it just when i needed your special humor and insight. thank you. i know we'll stay in touch. xoxoxox

Alli said...

I agree it's sad to see someone stop blogging but it's even better because they no longer want to talk about the disease but move forward.,
You will definitely be missed, I checked in on yours daily but will be relieved to know you are out in Vancouver enjoying life..


Daria said...

Today (Tuesday), is #14 for me too ...

Sorry to hear you are thinking of stopping blogging but I'm happy to hear you are moving on.

Maybe you can start another blog and keep us posted on how you are doing.

Anonymous said...

I'll miss you, Armand. Be happy!

deborah d. lattimore said...

6/30/09 and i'm thinking about you today, as i do every day, and hope you're having a fantastic summer. much love.

Sahra said...

Armand, I'm happy to hear you are not relating to the c-word anymore

Thanks for sharing

Best wishes & happy travels


Prostate Cancer said...

I agree with the tone of the other comments, please don't give up blogging. I definitely think that people who are undergoing treatments for cancer can get some pretty valuable lessons from the things that you post on this site.