Hello forgotten blog. It's been a while.
As of the 9th, I've finished 16 rounds of chemotherapy. That's more than anyone should ever have to do, and it's more than I care to ever remember.
I'm tired and grumpy and everything hurts. I've started having pain in my hips and the bones in my thighs after the last few rounds, and this last time was no exception.
But I'm mostly over all that. I'm starting to bounce back a bit. Still tired and shellshocked, but I'm bouncing back.
I have a CT scan coming up to document the size of the nodes after "eight cycles of ABVD". I have a PET scan coming up to gauge glucose uptake, and perhaps lead to radiation.
15 percent chance of recurrence in the next two years.
If PET is clean, 2-3 percent chance of recurrence.
Just thought I'd write to thank all those who continue to offer support. I'm sorry I'm running away, but it's pretty much all I know how to do now. I don't update anymore, I got rid of my facebook account, I've deleted a bunch of old email addresses, etc. If I could get away with canceling my cellphone plan, I would.
Life's good, except for when I remember that there is no day in sight when I won't think about cancer. My life changed for ever, and it did not change for the better.
I did some reading on radiation side-effects, and how if it hits the lungs, it causes breathing problems, and if it hits the esophagus, it makes it hard to swallow, causes constant heartburn and coughing fits. I read how people who had radiation for hodgkin's in the past came out with a variety of cancers afterwards. Yeah, I'm pretty depressed about the whole affair.
Also, I thought I'd share a brief non-cancer anecdote. The other day, I was waiting at a red light to turn left. A bus tried to squeeze past me and turn right. In the process, it mangled the front right corner of my car. Then the police officer who came to file the report took my driver's license, and promptly lost it. Now my car's in the shop. I have no car, I have no ID... Tip of the ice berg.
Posts
27 comments:
hi dear...i am sorely tempted to try to share some words of consolation and support...but for the life of me i don't know what those words are...becuase if i knew them i'd be saying them to myself...how about this...i love you.
Thanks for sharing and all the best to you my friend.
Be well!
I don't know what to say either. How about this: chemo hasn't harmed your sense of humor one bit. Look in the mirror and like what you see, my friend.
I'm so very glad you posted, if for nothing else that writing down the worries somehow make them a tad easier to bear.
Lift your chin up, sugar. You've gone at this full speed because that's the only way to do it. Every day, every moment - give it your all.
The bone pain is still with me as well and it's quite excruciating at times. Hot baths help as do oxycodone when it gets really bad. I've found that regular exercise like my bike or elliptical help alot. Sitting sucks.
My mom was just put on a drug that helps with neuropathy called Lirica (sp?) Just an idea - I don't been know if it would help you but it's worth checking into. She's had amazing results in just 5 days on the drug.
Blessing and hugs. Always thinking and hoping you are moving on down the road.
Hugs,
Sharon
Well, dear friend, look at the bright side. CHEMO IS OVER! And there is life after Cancer, believe me, I'm living it right now :) I'm not familiar with Hodgkin, but you overcame so much already, you live & be happy :) I know it's hard not to think about it right now, this has been your life for so long, but the longer you go without Cancer, the least you will be thinking about it. Wishing for no radiations!
i can't pretend to be cheerful and uplifting--you know i hate that shit--when really it feels like fuck and more fuck, and not in a good way. and a pox on the bus and the cop who lost your license. i also did a revamping of my cancer-related online activity once treatment ended. a time and place for everything, and i'll update my blog when i have checkups or have something to share, but for me now is the time to enjoy every second of non-cancer life i can, because i'm not optimistic about recurrence based on my family history. you're young and spunky and a bounce-backer. please let us know what the PET scan reveals. i'll have the confetti ready. xoxoxox
I am only one of many sending healing, positive thoughts your way. There is powerful regard for you, all around!!
---anne
Scanned a couple of posts, already reading so many things I can identify with... especially that the change has yet to be for the better!
Sharing in your sarcasm and this sucks sentiments!
Tam
I just realized that you canceled your facebook because I was going to post something on your wall about bacon. I meant to ask you at the store the other day how things were going but I thought it might not be the right time to chat about that.
Why are you running away? Shouldn't you be celebrating?!
love, Becky
heyy, so i was randomly on the web and i came across your blog. It really touched me. Damn, well done! I hope everything goes for the best!!!!
grettings from portugal!
Sofia
Great Blog! You are a credit to the cancer blogging community. I have added you to my blogroll, “Cancer Blogs” with over 700 other cancer blogs at www.beingcancer.net, a cancer networking site featuring a cancer book club, guest blogs, cancer resources, reviews and more.
If you have not visited in a while, please stop by. If you agree that the site is a worthwhile resource for those affected by cancer, please consider adding Being Cancer to your own blogroll. And like bloggers everywhere, I love receiving your comments and ideas.
Take care, Dennis
Hang in there! There's hope and life on the other side. I am a breast cancer survivor, and was lucky to be working for ChiliTechnology during my treatment so had access to a ChiliPad. Anyone out there who is on Chemotherapy and having trouble with heat or chills - I highly recommend it. It's a simple mattress pad that cools the bed (or heats it). It has a big temperature range and you can set different temperatures for each side of the bed. It provides comfort for *anyone* with medical conditions where changing the bed temperature is necessary. It was definitely a lifesaver for me, hope this helps someone!
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