Monday, April 13, 2009
I'm so sick of the cancer stuff... Thoughts of treatment send me into full panic, and the stress of it is getting to me. My stomach hurts again a fair bit. That may also be attributed to the lactose bit. Seems lactaid isn't doing the trick anymore, and I end up with the worst stomach pain, regardless.
I only have to think of chemo #9 tomorrow, and I start freaking out... I'll be doping up on ativan and benadryl, and I'll hopefully just sleep through everything. Three more... Three more... Just three more. As of yesterday, I'll be done in a month.
I was talking to a friend, and he made a passing comment -- "...you have cancer"... Hearing it in present tense seemed wrong. I haven't been told that I'm in remission, but I just can't conceive the thought of me still being sick.
I've decided that, for better or worse, if I require additional chemotherapy, I will elect to take a break for one month. If they don't like it, I just won't go. I have no idea how I'm going to get through three more treatments, as is. I need a break. My body needs a break. My mind needs a break. One more month.
Once again, I am so very thankful for all the help and support I've been receiving from everybody -- thank you. I could not do this without all your support.