Thursday, April 30, 2009

Apr. 30

Apr. 30
Originally uploaded by Cancer Boy
I don't know if it's my generally pallid colouring, or if it's the fact that I've recently buzzed my hair shorter than ever, but I feel like I actually look like a "cancer victim" these days.

Could just be that I feel like absolute crap after chemo#11.

I have bright spots where I get stuff done -- I've swept today... That's kind of an accomplishment... But my batteries are much too drained to actually get out of the house and go to work. I guess this week's a coma week, and next week I'll play catch-up.

I had really messed up dreams last night. I dreamt I was swimming to Montreal (...??), and all was going well, until I got trapped under some fallen pillars and began to drown. When I got my heart rate back down and fell back asleep, I guess I made it to Montreal, and was shooting a music video for the Beastie Boys, all the while stealing donuts and playing with a Batarang.

I want a Batarang. Donuts, not so much.


S. F. Heron said...

That "I feel and look like a cancer patient" is normal when you're coming down the home stretch. Deep breath sweetie. You're almost done. Take care of you!!

Reza said...


Hi this is Reza. (remember me?)
I find it very inspiring and very brave of you to do this.
I am very sorry to learn that you are not well.Your blog account of events have made my hair stand up.
If its any consolation, hang in there. I have for the best part of the last 3 years spent time in and out of hospitals with failing health.I've had to endure surgery, weight loss, weight gain, personal trauma and i'm living on medication to keep me alive.I know cancer trust me and you can beat it!
Still, your blog account on your treatment and what you've been going through has left me humbled young man.
You're full of life kid - i remember you as the "goat" of course :-) but i also have fond memories of your zest for life( with strange music taste!! :-) )
You're a great kid with a great future ahead of you.You have many talents and I hope you still find time for photography?
Take it easy Andy - hang in there and be strong.My regards to your family and love to Pookie.

I'd like to hear from you.


Corrine said...

OMG I have crazy dreams too, sometimes I even get "stuck" in the same dream and on occasion I have woken up crying. Talking cabbage patch dolls, dancing hippos,re-occurring flying dreams, being invisible, thinking I'm invisible but actually in plain site while monsters attack me....

I thought I was the only person who had utterly bizarre dreams

Alicia said...

Is it a cancer patient thing to have weird dreams? Include me in the group.

I was dreaming this strange person was running after me with fabric sheers trying to chop off my hair.
My hair is very long, he caught me and just cut out chunks...strange.

Hang in there are in my thoughts!!
Alicia XX

Riette said...

Home stretch, honey! Almost there. Please look after yourself and allow yourself to feel tired and coma-like. Your body has been fighting a great war.

Armand said...

Sharon: Well then, I hope this is indeed the home stretch then :)

Reza: Hey man, I'm sorry to hear life's been a crotch. Seems like there's enough shit floating around for all of us to be able to grab a spoon and dig in. Hope things are at least improving, from here on out...

Corrine: I usually just have very mundane dreams and have trouble distinguishing between dreams and reality... Then I get angry with people when they "don't remember" stuff that never actually happened.

Alicia: Heh, I understand the panic. I said for the longest time that the prospect of hair loss freaked the hell out of me. Particularly, losing my beard... I've been "the guy with the beard" -- or at least a goatee, since I was 17 or so... It's thinned out like all hell, but it would still be much too threatening to get rid of it. I can only imagine what it's like, the prospect of losing long hair. Also, your pic cracked me up.

Riette: No rest for the wicked!! :p