Sunday, April 19, 2009

Apr. 19

Apr. 19
Originally uploaded by Cancer Boy
So sleepy...

Here's life, in point form.

- Fatigue is starting to affect day-to-day functioning. Early nights are common. Gym visits are shorter.
- Chemo #10 was actually pretty easy on me. No hurling. No major misery the days after.
- I'm turning into a fucking recluse.
- The new place is coming along slowly. There's a ton of work to do still, but we're grossly limited by time... and energy...
- Apologies to those I've ignored -- in "real life", or just here in the old blogosphere
- I want to learn to program for the iPhone
- I'm so sick of "the cancer".

I'm sick of "the cancer", and here are three reasons, in chronological order.
- I hate the treatment.
- I no longer identify with the illness, or with being ill.
- I found out that my paternal grandfather is suspected of having stomach cancer.

Found that last bit out on the same day (today), as the day I learned that my maternal grandmother has been recently diagnosed with Parkinson's.

You know what, life? Fuck you. Fuck you hard.

-- a million years ago, there was a skit on Conan O'Brien, where they replaced the words "excuse me" with yelling "AH-BAH!".

I want to shove into people, yelling "AH-BAH!"


deborah d. lattimore said...

oh man. i can only think of what my oldest son said to me when i told him i was diagnosed with cancer. "that's fucking shitty news." and i'm very, very sorry you and your family have more to deal with. it's all so incredibly wrong. xoxo

Tori said...

I love Conan so damn much.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry about your grandparents. I was so done with life when my mom was diagnosed. I think it's cool that you no longer identify with cancer or being sick; that's strength. Take care of yourself.

Armand said...

Deborah: Hah, that's beautifully honest. And yep. That's crap, but I'm starting to think I was just lucky to have avoided it before, and now this is simply the norm.

Tori: Cone-bone, as I call him..

Kathy: Thank you.. Strength may be a strong word here.. I mostly just feel as though I'm tired of it...