Wednesday, April 22, 2009
I'm tired of all this. So, so, very tired. I just really don't want cancer in my life anymore... I understand it's just something that happens -- everyone has to die of something -- but I just don't want to deal with it anymore. I never got involved with I'm Too Young For This because it never felt right. I don't like being apart of a group just because I happen to fall within its parameters for membership. Although it's just more bitching about cancer, I choose to read the "cancer blogs" I follow because of something that has to do with the writers, not their illness.
I'm fatigued. My skin has had it with me. I think it will soon just abandon me and find a healthier host who will treat it nicer. I am not as petrified of chemo #11 as I was of #10, because the last one went quite easy, but I don't want to go see my doctor again. I don't want to sit around for hours on end, waiting for poison to filter into me. I don't want to answer questions about my body. I want to forget about my body, actually... Yeah, that'd be nice.
Ah well. Trapped in space and time, here I am.
Yesterday, despite craptacular news, Melissa and I actually had a pretty fun time. She had the day off work, so I took it off as well, so we could get a bunch of stuff done around the house. The bookcase I've been threatening to assemble for the past two weeks is still in pieces, but the living room is almost livable. There are no more empty boxes and bags and whatnot, sitting all over the place. We took a run out to to a couple of second-hand stores to drop off a bunch of things we needed to jettison. Went by a fabric store to look at potential drapery for the living room (oh yeah, pure white douppioni silk to go with red and espresso furniture? I think so). All the while, had yummy eats and planned out the rest of the apartment in excruciating detail.
*sigh* I'm sometimes puzzled by the things which bring me joy.