Monday, November 24, 2008
Tomorrow I see my doctor. Turns out it's not an oncologist I'm seeing, but rather a hematologist. The fact that it's lumped in with blood cancers scares the crap out of me. I'm really worried, for example, that the current treatment will open the door for leukemia later on.
I've started a rather extensive list of items of concern, to discuss with my doctor. Things like side-effects, pain management, previous medical issues, etc. Speaking of pain management -- holy hell, my neck hurts lately. I was noticing today that I used to have a distinctive beard growth pattern over my Adam's apple. It's since moved half an inch to the left, as a result of the swelling. I also miss my clavicles. I'd love to know when the swelling will go down, or when the night sweats will stop. Especially the latter, to be honest. If there was one thing I could change about Hodgkin's, or at least my experience with it (aside from the obvious, where it magically goes into remission overnight and I'm cured), it would be the sweating issue. If I can't get decent sleep, I'll feel like crap, and if I feel like crap, well, it just makes things worse.
All these thoughts, and I feel like I'm screaming inside my own head, but there's nothing coming out, out here.