Saturday, January 3, 2009

Jan. 03

Jan. 03
Originally uploaded by Cancer Boy
So, I got a cold. I can't breathe, and I'm irritable and fucking hell, I don't know if it's the chemo or just some good old fashioned neurological dysfunction, but I'm dropping everything and everything is getting caught on everything else and klds832jklfdas. Yep. That's right. klds832jklfdas.

That, and I've turned... gelationous... It seems as though all the muscle I had built up over the summer what with the constant biking and the such, has been replaced. That, in tandem with the cold and the low red count and whatnot, I'm winded after walking up a flight of stairs. I believe I've made mention of this before: I used to sprint up four stories in the Psych building on campus, and not even feel it. Thirteen steps from the main floor, to my bedroom. They. Kill. Me.

I feel old and tired and fat and useless.

Also, my hair is not falling out. Don't get me wrong, I'm not sad about that... But it makes me wonder if the chemo is working right, somehow. Maybe because I've cut it so short, it's not thinning out as badly. That must be it. *nervous chuckle*

Addendum: Provided I'm not completely dead, tomorrow I get on the exercise bike. I've been putting it off because I've been feeling crappy and just been getting involved in all sorts of time-consuming stuff, but that's it. I won't feel any better if I don't get some exercise.


Tori said...

Maybe you'll be one of the lucky few whose hair doesn't fall out at all. Some aunt of Natalie's went through her whole treatment without losing any hair and she's healthy now. I know there are different kinds of chemo, and I don't know what kind she had, but you know. Just putting it out there.

Also, it's weird to see you without the beard!

Holly said...

colds suck but cancer sucks more...

Armand said...

Tori: Yeah, I'm definitely letting it grow back. I'll try to maintain it more, but I feel funny without it.

Holly: The funny thing is, because I'm so stuffed up and grumpy and dazed from the cold, I have to say, in many ways, it sucks more than the cancer. Yeah, sure, the cold can't really kill me (at least not by itself), and it hopefully won't take months to get over it, but it's more of a drag in the moment, than the cancer :p

Anonymous said...

Hey, cuz this blog is amazing. When u are well (and this will happen) this could turn into a best seller. Very inspiring,beautiful. You are brilliant.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear you have a cold, Armand. And yep, it *bites.* Everyone in my house has a cold. Everyone cranky, sniveling, and suspiciously lazy. (I say suspicious because when there is work to be done, the room is suddenly flooded with coughing and sneezing.)

Just read your comments. So, when you become a bestselling author, I'll be expecting my own autographed copy (with effusive dedication, of course.) Take care!

Emma Rose

deborah d. lattimore said...

i completely agree with anonymous #1 - bestseller. absolutely. think about it!

we have company in the "cancer is shit" department:

did you get on the exercise bicycle? i was on the treadmill this morning. always fun to watch out of the corner of my eye as people try to figure out if i'm male or female - short hair, no boobs, not even nipples. good times! :)

Armand said...

Anonymous: Why thank you. I don't think anyone would pay to read my largely incoherent ramblings, but I am nevertheless glad you enjoy my blog. Thank you.

Emma Rose: Oh, the convenience of illness. Also, provided you live within Canada or the continental United States, I promise, if this turns into a best-seller, I'll hand-deliver you a copy ;)

Deborah: Misery loves company! :) It's nice to see we're not the only crazies in cancer-land. Wow. Cancer-land. A cancer-themed .. uh... theme park! With attractions like the "Emotional Rollercoaster!" and "The Body Image Funhouse Mirror!"... fuck cancer... Also, I did get some exercise today, though not on the exercise bike. Someone along the chain of communication screwed up, and there is no exercise bike, but one of those elliptical/stepper/aggravating things. Did a half hour on that. I hated every minute of it, but it felt great to get the old heart rate up. Also, I read your comment via email on my phone while picking up some groceries. Your "no nipples" comment made me laugh out loud in the middle of the produce section.