Three common reactions from those around you, should you develop cancer:
1. Thankfully, the most frequent reaction is along the lines of "Well, shit..." and then life goes back to normal. You can talk to these people about it, but you are not the cancer. They hopefully are comfortable enough to bring up the subject, and all the world is green. To the 90% of those around me who've adopted this approach, thank you for being amazing. I've come to find a great deal of support and friendship from a number of great individuals. Thank you all, a million times over.
The other two remind me of that Bart Simpson quote: "Dad, your half-assed underparenting was a lot better than your half-assed overparenting".
2. Jackasses who don't seem to click in. They will either belittle your illness, along the lines of "Ah, it's got a good survival rate, you've got nothing to worry about!" or are just plain fucking clueless. "You're going to be so sick during chemo..." Thanks, asshole, I needed you to remind me. Since this is my blog, I shall make a recommendation -- these people should be fucking shot. I don't know if it's either a) plain stupidity, b) denial, or c) attempt to show some basic knowledge of cancer and chemotherapy, but I'd rather not have to give people the benefit of the doubt.
3. The half-assed overparenters in the equation -- the ones that will coddle you and treat you like a fucking invalid. If I get one more "take it easy there, big guy", I'm going to fucking snap. Yes, I know I'm sick. Yes, I know I stand a higher-than-comfortable chance of fucking dying from this thing. I know I'll spend the rest of my life (that is, if I'm not dead in the short-term) fearing a relapse. But don't fucking treat me like I can't take care of myself! If you didn't know I had cancer, you'd be telling me to stop being a lazy asshole and get some work done, so you can take your self-righteous pity and shove it.
Here's a tip to those in the last two categories: When you are clutching at the last bit of normality in your life, when everything seems to be falling apart around you, having your nose rubbed in your misery, or being identified by it, is of absolutely no help.
Thanks for attending my educational seminar.
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3 comments:
Well put!
NKG
Dear Cancer Boy,
I don't have cancer so I can't say I understand from your point of view. However, when my mom was diagnosed a few years back, my sisters and I received some of these "lovely" stupid comments. I'm not one much for the "f" word but sure would have loved to use it a few times to these so called friends. Can I give them your #?lol
Praying for your health...Donna
Donna: It's tough "letting things slide" when you get bombarded with misguided advice or would-be empathy. It's tough not to feel ungrateful or spiteful, but at the same time, it's also tough attempting to dance around idiosyncrasies.
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