Wow. Bad photo.
Getting used to the short short hair. Ah well. It's only transient, as well. To those who don't know me personally, I'd like to point out that roughly this time last year, my hair was down to my chin, or at the very least my mouth. Then I cut it short because it was starting to fall out... Then I cut it short because it's going to fall right the fuck out altogether.
Good things have come of this. I have good friends. I've made new friends. I've befriended this truly awesome lady who's blogging much in the same way I am, about her experience with cancer. She's shown more courage in her openness than I think I will ever be able to muster.
She also said she likes my twisted sense of humor. Deborah, this is for you. Why did the cancer cell cross the road? To avoid apoptosis. *cough*
There are good things to talk about. However, I'm nowhere near the proper emotional space to talk about them now.
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9 comments:
Hey Armand, I'm in no position to give advice, but here it is: get the port. It's easy if they insert it properly. You won't have good veins in the end. They blow. Nurses and doctors also have a disregard for our precious blue ones. As you know, I still love mine. :-)
dear armand, i'm so happy you've befriended me. thank you. and i love your joke - or i should say i loved your joke after i looked up "aptosis." :) i think you are very courageous in your openness. you say things i want to say but only write in my journal. because of you i wrote "fuck" in my blog for the first time! what a great influence you are. :) xox
dear boy - the pic isnt' all that bad!! (only trying to make you make feel better!!). you actually look quite sweet in a terrorist kind of way.
keep blogging - share the hard stuff. it is OK.
those who have been down the path a bit before you are here to help..
oh yes - the port...or another optin...the PICC line. i had a PICC line. It's a permanent (well semi-permanaent as in they take it out when chemo is done) IV that is easy to care for and saves you from getting 'stuck' over and over again. PICC stands for percutaneous intravenetion central catheter. the catheter part delivers the chemo directly into one of the major vessels near your heart..boys are ususally worried about catheters that go (ahem..) well..'down there'!
Riette: Thanks for the advice. I'm really leaning towards it. I go for chemo again in the morning, and I'll probably push for it.
Deborah: I... uhm... Expand people's vocabulary??
Holly: I've looked into the PICC, and it sort of scares me. Having to put on a dressing before I shower, having a piece of plastic sticking out of my elbow, etc... Also, it would in a way be an open-ish site on my body, which would make me afraid of infection. In the spirit of Go Big or Go Home, I think I'll either get the port, or stay with ye olde veins.
hehe from some of my readings it may also be trying to avoid the autophagosome.
ok science geek brain on overdrive
I know I am not in a position like you but myself I would be thinking of the port or PICC. Shall be nice to have some good veins left for when you beat this mofo
the port is totally doable. as for showering - i got a 'cast sleeve' a blue plastic thingie that is sold at walgreens, rite aid etc..it has draw strings at both ends and is completely easy to use by oneself. it is the middle road. blowing all your veins is painful and a drag for the future...a port is surgery...whatever you decide will be right for you.. you can call me anytime 818-982-1980. sending love and gentle hugs for the infusion manana,
Jen: Yeah, I want my veins nice and good, still. I mean, I'm going to have to celebrate kicking this, and what better way to do so than with a nice heroin-fueled bender?! ;)
Holly: Thank you so much. You're wonderful :)
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